Enjoy!
***
Was I supposed to answer now? I wasn't ready! Never will be!
Why did he have to put me in a very difficult position?
Wait-why was I thinking and not refusing immediately? I didn't love this person, let alone like him! I hated him!
Those thoughts were squeezing my brain and almost caused me a freaking migraine. This man was able to do anything, and it scared me.
What scared me even more was how right he was; he did have a point. If I were to be married to another man, I'd truly be living in guilt because of my and Majid's past together. It wasn't that much of a bad one, but it wasn't a good one either. He'd change his mind about me knowing how I'd treat a man.
But was I truly the key to changing him?
Part of me believed I was, and the other part didn't want to believe that part.
I bit my lip and typed the message.
I'll think about it. I can't make decisions in my current state.
There. That did it.
I opened the door to my office and glanced around, it was nearly four thirty and people were already leaving. I'd might as well stay in my office for the rest of the day.
I sat back down on the chair and refreshed the page between every millisecond or so. My eyes dilated as soon as I found the bold title indicating an unopened email.
What surprises me is how you're thinking about it and didn't reject it.
It'll be for both our benefits, and besides, we both know the burden of being an only child. Er, whatever it is in your case since you have a half-sister.
Take your time.
PS. You said on the phone you wanted to see the real me, well guess what? I will show you the real me.
This was too much. I shut down my laptop and stuffed it in its case, then collected all my items from the desk. I definitely needed time to think.
*
"Ubai waii chan yeetay? Kan 9ij wanasa!" Reem shouted through the phone, I wrapped the blanket around my cold knees while surfing some online shop I found.
"Magidart kan 3indi sh'3il," I sort of lied. I didn't know whether to break it to her or not. I needed a second opinion badly.
"Wai intay w hal sh'3il, mita tkhal9een?" Reem argued. "Oo tara tawich ma bidaitay ya3ni, wayid ga3da ta3been roo7ich w intay a9lan ta3abtay bl jam3a oo,"
This girl just could not shut up, so I figured an easy way to do so.
"Reem Majid yabi yakh6bni." I said it. There. I said it out loud.
That truly shut her up, and I could only hear my rising heartbeats, as if my heart was clambering up all the way to my mouth.
"Reem?"
"Intay mn 9ijjich?" Oh dear, and this time it progressed to yelling. Plan failed.
"3ugub kil ili sawa feech? Maynoona? Ubai moo mn 9ija! La la2 intay mn 9ijich?"
"Ee, Reem, sa2alni ilyom," I replied with a bored tone. I got my second opinion, a no.
But Reem didn't know everything that had happened, did she?
So I had no reason to believe her or anyone else, no one knew about our messages except for Majid and me.
"Shgltay?" she asked anxiously.
"Gltla baffakr."
"Shlon kalamtee?" she asked. I bit my lip, and I knew from that moment I was busted.
"Okay sim3ay," I took a deep breath and explained to her every single thing; starting from his last text to me as May, and how he hated himself, and then how I pretended to be Badriya (promising her not to tell cousin B) and he revealed himself even further. Of course I couldn't leave out the recent emails with him, and lastly I read out his last message.
"Umm May, madri shagool. Ya3ni okay wayid ta'3ayar b na'6riti bas still madri. Ya3ni intay t3arfeena akthar mn ay a77ad, fa madri."
There, those were the words I was looking for, "Intay t3ardeena akthar mn ay a77ad."
I chewed on my bottom lip and nodded, "Okay, bashoof."
I sighed and said goodbye to my still "traumatized" cousin.
Majid was still waiting, and I kind of got my second opinion. And I did pray istikhara. I was more than ready to make a decision.
With the press of a button I was able to compose an e-mail to him.
Majid,
I do hope you realize how serious of a matter this is. It determines the future of us both, so I'd rather you not be in a hurry to make such a decision.
I concur your earlier statement. I do know you better than anyone else. And you I, apart from my cousin Reem, of course. Actually, you do know more of the "inner" me than she does. So yes. you do know me better than anyone else.
I don't care if we're going to bear each other, or maybe even not, but you asked me to change you and I hope that will subdue the tension between us.
I've come to a decision and it's clear in my head.
Travel back and I'll say it.
A confident May.
A pang of both relief and anxiety swung past me, and I left the laptop open on my bed. I continued my online shopping spree and added different bracelets to reward myself for my hard efforts at work.
My phone buzzed next to me. A message from Reem; I kind of regretted telling her, and hoped she didn't spill anything to anyone.
Khalti oo 3ami yadroon?:S
She just had to be Reem.
Nope, let's keep it that way, please. ;)
I returned to my laptop and almost added a cute patterned pink scarf to my cart when Reem decided to send me a text that God knows what she had to reply. Probably another one of her "zaffas".
Please tell me your answer because I'm already in your main living room. :)
PS. I know you so well that I knew your answer and travelled all the way to YOU. Doesn't that show how serious I am?
M.
***
Was I supposed to answer now? I wasn't ready! Never will be!
Why did he have to put me in a very difficult position?
Wait-why was I thinking and not refusing immediately? I didn't love this person, let alone like him! I hated him!
Those thoughts were squeezing my brain and almost caused me a freaking migraine. This man was able to do anything, and it scared me.
What scared me even more was how right he was; he did have a point. If I were to be married to another man, I'd truly be living in guilt because of my and Majid's past together. It wasn't that much of a bad one, but it wasn't a good one either. He'd change his mind about me knowing how I'd treat a man.
But was I truly the key to changing him?
Part of me believed I was, and the other part didn't want to believe that part.
I bit my lip and typed the message.
I'll think about it. I can't make decisions in my current state.
There. That did it.
I opened the door to my office and glanced around, it was nearly four thirty and people were already leaving. I'd might as well stay in my office for the rest of the day.
I sat back down on the chair and refreshed the page between every millisecond or so. My eyes dilated as soon as I found the bold title indicating an unopened email.
What surprises me is how you're thinking about it and didn't reject it.
It'll be for both our benefits, and besides, we both know the burden of being an only child. Er, whatever it is in your case since you have a half-sister.
Take your time.
PS. You said on the phone you wanted to see the real me, well guess what? I will show you the real me.
This was too much. I shut down my laptop and stuffed it in its case, then collected all my items from the desk. I definitely needed time to think.
*
"Ubai waii chan yeetay? Kan 9ij wanasa!" Reem shouted through the phone, I wrapped the blanket around my cold knees while surfing some online shop I found.
"Magidart kan 3indi sh'3il," I sort of lied. I didn't know whether to break it to her or not. I needed a second opinion badly.
"Wai intay w hal sh'3il, mita tkhal9een?" Reem argued. "Oo tara tawich ma bidaitay ya3ni, wayid ga3da ta3been roo7ich w intay a9lan ta3abtay bl jam3a oo,"
This girl just could not shut up, so I figured an easy way to do so.
"Reem Majid yabi yakh6bni." I said it. There. I said it out loud.
That truly shut her up, and I could only hear my rising heartbeats, as if my heart was clambering up all the way to my mouth.
"Reem?"
"Intay mn 9ijjich?" Oh dear, and this time it progressed to yelling. Plan failed.
"3ugub kil ili sawa feech? Maynoona? Ubai moo mn 9ija! La la2 intay mn 9ijich?"
"Ee, Reem, sa2alni ilyom," I replied with a bored tone. I got my second opinion, a no.
But Reem didn't know everything that had happened, did she?
So I had no reason to believe her or anyone else, no one knew about our messages except for Majid and me.
"Shgltay?" she asked anxiously.
"Gltla baffakr."
"Shlon kalamtee?" she asked. I bit my lip, and I knew from that moment I was busted.
"Okay sim3ay," I took a deep breath and explained to her every single thing; starting from his last text to me as May, and how he hated himself, and then how I pretended to be Badriya (promising her not to tell cousin B) and he revealed himself even further. Of course I couldn't leave out the recent emails with him, and lastly I read out his last message.
"Umm May, madri shagool. Ya3ni okay wayid ta'3ayar b na'6riti bas still madri. Ya3ni intay t3arfeena akthar mn ay a77ad, fa madri."
There, those were the words I was looking for, "Intay t3ardeena akthar mn ay a77ad."
I chewed on my bottom lip and nodded, "Okay, bashoof."
I sighed and said goodbye to my still "traumatized" cousin.
Majid was still waiting, and I kind of got my second opinion. And I did pray istikhara. I was more than ready to make a decision.
With the press of a button I was able to compose an e-mail to him.
Majid,
I do hope you realize how serious of a matter this is. It determines the future of us both, so I'd rather you not be in a hurry to make such a decision.
I concur your earlier statement. I do know you better than anyone else. And you I, apart from my cousin Reem, of course. Actually, you do know more of the "inner" me than she does. So yes. you do know me better than anyone else.
I don't care if we're going to bear each other, or maybe even not, but you asked me to change you and I hope that will subdue the tension between us.
I've come to a decision and it's clear in my head.
Travel back and I'll say it.
A confident May.
A pang of both relief and anxiety swung past me, and I left the laptop open on my bed. I continued my online shopping spree and added different bracelets to reward myself for my hard efforts at work.
My phone buzzed next to me. A message from Reem; I kind of regretted telling her, and hoped she didn't spill anything to anyone.
Khalti oo 3ami yadroon?:S
She just had to be Reem.
Nope, let's keep it that way, please. ;)
I returned to my laptop and almost added a cute patterned pink scarf to my cart when Reem decided to send me a text that God knows what she had to reply. Probably another one of her "zaffas".
Please tell me your answer because I'm already in your main living room. :)
PS. I know you so well that I knew your answer and travelled all the way to YOU. Doesn't that show how serious I am?
M.
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